Therapeutically Polyam

I am a bit on the longer side in the tooth of mature to have been a massive Buffy fan but I did watch it and well always having had a bit of a crush on Anthony Head, why wouldn't I tune in. The show got huge ratings but also some began to consider Joss Whedon as a bit of feminist hero not only because of his portrayal of a strong female lead but kinda just because he said so..... Well, his now ex-wife (couldn't imagine a present one) has gone to town on him, exposing his inappropriate emotional and physical relationships with others throughout their 16 yr marriage. Is a he therefore a bit of douchebag? deffo. How much responsibility do those who were involved with the infidelity take on? They would have known he was married and do you think every single one of them was a budding easily lead naive actress? The casting couch, the expectation that someone trying to get ahead would sleep with someone more powerful than them to gain the advantage over those not willing ...

While chatting to a friend at the weekend, I was surprised at their shock when I proclaimed that I no longer always felt particularly attractive.  Outwardly I appear confident, competent, mega busy mum and grandma, but I suffer the same body envy of most mums. I have been breastfeeding on and off since 1994 so the boobs aren't where they used to be and my stomach bears the tiger stripes of 5 pregnancies. Of course the person I was talking to was bias and told me not to be so silly. I lost over 30kg after my 9 yr old to enable me to be healthy enough to have another child in my late 30's. Its interesting that although I am heavier following that happy 5th birth I am fitter and stronger thanks to spinning, cycling and doing weights. In heels I'm over 6ft tall with broad shoulders so no being 'petite' for me...ever! But then I realised most of the attention of other mums I know is geared towards losing weight. We are bombarded by images of 5 min post birth skinny b...

So today I went to my first BAATN therapists gathering. What I don't ever mention or point out is I am mixed race, my father is Nigerian and my mother Caucasian. I live in a very non diverse area of the country and my father returned to Nigeria when I was 4, I haven't seen him since but have spoken on numerous occasions. Not only did I go without a father figure until my mother met my step father but it also left a cultural void that I've now learnt I can't ignore. He thought it inappropriate that I had a job where I ran a pub and so I have never broached the subject of sexuality with him. It has never really bothered me before but what did was the constant nagging feeling that I did really fit anywhere.                           "I always felt too black to be white and too white to be black" It wasn't until I listened to people who have have lived with the challenges that it brought to their lives that I reali...