Therapeutically Polyam

So happy coming out day... If its happy for you... and seriously why would there even be a day. Did the planets align ever soo nicely or some libido based act occur in the cosmos?? Surely the largest question should be do you really have to come out at all, isn't it your business to do whatever you feel fit. I guess I would like to see some research figures for the proportion of people that come out today compared with any other day of the year. All day I have seen arguments for and against coming out day and I'm sure there would be a split between readers of this to. Does it therefore make it wrong to come out another day? Of course not, do as you please. But just do what you want to. Never be forced to do anything. Over the last few weeks I have been a busy bunny promoting Bi Visibility Day which included standing on a town hall roof waving a flag around, along with an early morning radio interview. (I keep meaning to download this for posterity). I've

So next June you will find me, amongst other places presenting at the NCHP conference. Details here.... Conference 2018 I'm talking about therapists being aware of the terminologies used in the GRSD/LGBTQIA+/Alternative Sexualities community to prevent therapeutic barriers. Not only is this a completely ridiculously huge and unfathomable honour to be amongst such esteemed company but it also caused me to stumble a little at a very early moment. I got asked to write my bio, that elevator speech, that Hiya I'm so an so aren't I bloody FAB-U-LOUS Darliiiinnngggg bit for the website. Well that was where I stumbled..... Faced with an empty page, words did not tumble from my fingers as there are now but writers block firmly took up residence inside my head, wrist, hands and eyes. While talking to a friend about it I realised that actually I know a bit about stuff, nope I haven't been a therapist since year dot and I don't have quite such an impressive resum

Can you hear that? Well neither can I, isn't it brilliant. During my supervision today I spoke about how 2 of my clients had individually unintentionally, encouraged me to internally philosophise about the beauty of silence and how it has its place in the therapy room. As an only child I grew up not saying very much to people, I spent my time programming rudimentary computers and thinking while being really shy and introverted. Now however I still have children living at home, 1 of whom is still very young so its not too quiet at home anymore! I still like my own company, time to reflect and bounce ideas around on the inside of my head, I make the most of any time I have to do it. It also reminded me that I had recently watched a television series where famous people are given therapy. I do not however watch it anymore for the 'celebrity' contained within but the therapist. Anytime I can observe another therapist work, I do as for me its a lovely way to see the

I am a bit on the longer side in the tooth of mature to have been a massive Buffy fan but I did watch it and well always having had a bit of a crush on Anthony Head, why wouldn't I tune in. The show got huge ratings but also some began to consider Joss Whedon as a bit of feminist hero not only because of his portrayal of a strong female lead but kinda just because he said so..... Well, his now ex-wife (couldn't imagine a present one) has gone to town on him, exposing his inappropriate emotional and physical relationships with others throughout their 16 yr marriage. Is a he therefore a bit of douchebag? deffo. How much responsibility do those who were involved with the infidelity take on? They would have known he was married and do you think every single one of them was a budding easily lead naive actress? The casting couch, the expectation that someone trying to get ahead would sleep with someone more powerful than them to gain the advantage over those not willing

While chatting to a friend at the weekend, I was surprised at their shock when I proclaimed that I no longer always felt particularly attractive.  Outwardly I appear confident, competent, mega busy mum and grandma, but I suffer the same body envy of most mums. I have been breastfeeding on and off since 1994 so the boobs aren't where they used to be and my stomach bears the tiger stripes of 5 pregnancies. Of course the person I was talking to was bias and told me not to be so silly. I lost over 30kg after my 9 yr old to enable me to be healthy enough to have another child in my late 30's. Its interesting that although I am heavier following that happy 5th birth I am fitter and stronger thanks to spinning, cycling and doing weights. In heels I'm over 6ft tall with broad shoulders so no being 'petite' for me...ever! But then I realised most of the attention of other mums I know is geared towards losing weight. We are bombarded by images of 5 min post birth skinny b

I'm a bit of a geek, quite a bit of a geek if truth be known. So there I was this afternoon, cooking a roast all while having one ear on the television waiting for what looked like the forgone conclusion of Federer winning to finish. I passed the time talking to fellow geeks and throwing various names into the hat for position of the new Dr. It seemed like an age before they had finished making small talk with who is arguably the best male tennis player ever. And then Sue Baker said the words that made my ears prick up. "Dr Who" The trailer started and I of course recorded it onto my sky+ box for posterity. Ok, so its someone in a hoodie...........can't really tell from the hands, I thought the nails looked slightly male shaped but then the camera flashed up to eyelashes coated in a lick of mascara and the unmistakable face of a female. OMFG its finally a woman. I watched more than once, amazing I thought and well overdue. Then I remembered an hour

No work of televisual genius and I'm sure there are some who cry for it to be immediately banned.  Not only did I notice the curious absence of pubic hair, did no one mention that pubic hair is there for a reason and even if you leave a landing strip it helps to maintain and promote the natural flora and fauna of your vagina. Not having tattoos or piercings is now a rarity but its a beautiful thing just to see other bodies, isnt it odd that we hardly ever see others without the facade of clothing. We are constantly force fed unhealthy images of perfect, hairless, perky female stereotypes when if you watch this you actually see that we are all different but still stunning all in our own way.  I know many people who go to so called 'slimming clubs', there are loads about and I guess my official (has she swallowed a dictionary) take on it would be... "The technical difficulty for people going to slimming clubs is it doesn't change attitudes to food and any under

So today I went to my first BAATN therapists gathering. What I don't ever mention or point out is I am mixed race, my father is Nigerian and my mother Caucasian. I live in a very non diverse area of the country and my father returned to Nigeria when I was 4, I haven't seen him since but have spoken on numerous occasions. Not only did I go without a father figure until my mother met my step father but it also left a cultural void that I've now learnt I can't ignore. He thought it inappropriate that I had a job where I ran a pub and so I have never broached the subject of sexuality with him. It has never really bothered me before but what did was the constant nagging feeling that I did really fit anywhere.                           "I always felt too black to be white and too white to be black" It wasn't until I listened to people who have have lived with the challenges that it brought to their lives that I realised my own struggles. I do a lot

I really should blog more! So today while rearranging my email signature (priorities, right) I noticed that in fact although I loved to write, I hadn't been writing my blog for quite sometime. Last weekend I went to the nchp conference in London, not only is it so heartwarming to be in a room of people who give their minds and lives over to assist in others journeys but also that it always brings me back to my own path and what I love. I had recently given a talk on sexuality to a local public school and I loved how when the words tumbled from my mouth they all made not only sense to me but those listening. It was amazing to get such sophisticated questions from some fairly young students who were soo eager to lean about how vast the sexual landscape is. I have been working on my own idea of sexual landscape to incorporate how fluid and ever changing your sexuality can be over time and in my own personal way how I have gone from heterosexuality to Bisexuality via Pansexual